In
most facets of life, it is wiser to err on the side of moderation than to
indulge in excess. The same
is true of the way we portray ourselves to others:
confidence and self-assuredness, especially when grounded in a realistic appraisal
of one’s own abilities and expertise, are admirable traits; on the other hand,
cockiness, false modesty, and “humblebragging” tend to elicit disdain.
So,
how can you project an air of confidence and proficiency without seeming
arrogant? What is tactful self-promotion, and how does it differ from
boastfulness?
Authenticity
is key.
Human
beings are by nature social animals, and consequently, our desire to engender a
positive first impression profoundly influences our interactions. In situations
where we have a significant stake in the outcome—like an investment funding
pitch, or a first date with a person in whom we have a romantic interest—the
motive to put our best foot forward is even stronger.
However,
according to Harvard Business School professor Francesca Gino, our intuitions
about the strategies most likely to impress the target of our self-promotional
efforts are often misguided—namely, we tend to
underestimate the value that others place on perceived authenticity. Studies
conducted by Gino and her colleagues Ovul Sezer and Mike Norton suggest that
humblebragging (for example, claiming in a job interview that your greatest
weakness is a tendency to work too hard) is likely to instill an unsympathetic
impression in others: the opposite of the desired outcome. Revealingly, their
research found that the interviewers’ opinion of seemingly insincere
humblebraggers was even less favourable than the same interviewers’ perception
of chronic complainers.
Build
relationships.
No
one likes to feel used. Accordingly, it is important to approach other people
as potential friends, allies, partners, and associates, and not merely as means
to an end or targets of an impromptu sales pitch.
Introduce
yourself by describing your profession and/or significant interests in about
three seconds. (See “Perfecting Your Three-second Statement”.) In
conversation with individuals to whom you hope to appeal, make use of
open-ended questions (beginning with who, what, when, why, how) and listen
attentively to their responses. Concentrate on ascertaining their wants, needs,
and objectives. Then consider how you can contribute to the fulfillment
thereof.
Add
value.
You
know what you do well, but your interlocutor may not. Specifically, prospective
employers, investors, clients, or even potential romantic partners will be
interested to know what you have to offer, and how they would benefit from
becoming more acquainted with you.
If
you feel you have a good understanding of the wants and needs of the individual
to whom you hope to promote yourself, you are about halfway to your goal. At this
point, rather than simply claiming to excel at X or Y (which can rub people the
wrong way), an alternative technique is to recount an experience where your
skills in a particular area served you well, or enabled you to overcome a
challenge. A common saying in journalism circles is “show, don’t tell”, and for
good reason: the facts often speak for themselves.
Rely on
talking points rather than a fixed pitch.
This
point should not be construed as denying the importance of a sound elevator
pitch, but in real life, the context in which a conversation occurs informs its
tone and content—and a rigid, memorized pitch may seem out-of-place. Therefore,
it is worthwhile to have talking points in mind: pieces of knowledge or insight
you can invoke that will offer people a better sense of who you are, your areas
of skill, passion, and knowledge, and what you aim to accomplish. Stay abreast
of news headlines too, especially items that are relevant to your areas of
expertise, and be prepared to discuss at least two current events at social
gatherings.
The
ability to communicate those points effectively, while showing genuine interest
in the people you meet, is the key to promoting yourself without sounding like
a braggart or tawdry careerist.
